Casey Martin


Casey Martin, the inventor of juggling, began her variety career in 2005 as a stilt walker at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire when she lied on her resume about actually being able to walk on stilts (or have any interest in the Renaissance).

She owes her continued success to constant lying, cheating and sleeping around. As was evident in her spectacular meltdown on Project Runway (where she knocked out the left front tooth of Heidi Klum). Casey is an extreme fashionista.

Never content to simply make a great deal of money, she also encourages the rampant spread of diabetes in America by being the president of The Beverly Hills Walking Chocolate Tours.

After inventing the German Wheel in 1989 she used its ramming ability to tear down the Berlin Wall (for this she was short listed for the Nobel Peace Prize), and then years later stole the now famous wall-crushing wheel from the Smithsonian so that she could co-found the Kamikaze Fireflies with former Flaming Idiot and professional Oscar Wilde impersonator, Rob Williams.

After winning America’s Got Talent (where she once again had a massive meltdown and knocked out another one of Heidi Klum’s teeth),

Casey spends the majority of her days figuring out which charities and non-profits to donate her winnings and knitting fireproof yarn creations.

***Bold Text = Complete Fictitious Fabrication – Maybe?!?

Twitter: @bigbadcasey

Casey’s Writings:

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